Since my last post, life events have been topsy-turvy. I’ve been hesitant to put the month’s events into words, because well, I’ve been less than thrilled with the order of events…. I guess if I’m totally honest with myself and with you, my readers --- I’ve been pouting…. I’m sure spiritual pouting is as heinous to God as tantrums, neither of which are terribly grown up or mature…. I would like to interject here that the above is in past tense…. I am beyond the kicking and screaming and poochy-lip (most days) – I share these less-than stellar trials – because you can’t fully appreciate where I’m going until you’ve seen where I’ve been. So – here’s my “reader beware” disclaimer – the events described below depict a real person, events described won’t be pretty – please locate designated exits, keep arms and legs inside vehicle at all times, stop, drop and roll…. Uh – yeah, you get the point J!
Thanksgiving was fabulous! I spent the day with family and a fawey pwincess ;) It was a blessed day – it also was the peak to a very low valley. Friday brought with it a case of stomach flu – it layed me low and I couldn’t bounce back. Nearly a week later – Thursday, December 2nd with my most recent labs reflecting my ill health and the last living donor ruled out – I made the call. My nephrologist and I agreed that it was time for medical intervention. By 2pm I was in the hospital, where I had an IJ catheter placed and by 10pm I’d had my first Hemo treatment. On Friday, the third I went under general anesthesia to have a peritoneal catheter placed.
Fast forward to the present – I’ve got 6 Hemo treatments under my belt, my PD catheter is floating around in my tummy and my incisions are all healing nicely and itching like crazy! In the whole scheme of things the procedures I had were minor….. But in my little piece of Ness-Ville it rated a 7 on the richter scale. I’m not one to make waves, I don’t like confrontation and when feasible I tend to go with the flow – BUT the events, minor or not left me feeling dismayed, frustrated and wrestling with questions of “why”. Why now? Why this? I seriously think I could have picked much better timing. How does this timing work into God’s purpose for my life. I never would have scheduled dialysis to occur two weeks into my new job or two weeks from Christmas.
Do you have a firm grip of the whiner I can be? It’s not pretty, I know – So let me move on -- I am less than thrilled to be on dialysisis – I didn’t want this and I definitely don’t like the timing – BUT here’s what I know….
* God doesn’t make mistakes
*God’s timing is perfect
* God knows me, loves me, created me and desires His best for me
* My life has purpose and even when I don’t know what it is – God Does
I have found amazing reassurance in the words of Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 – He had something in his life that He asked God to take from him, but when God didn’t remove it, Paul accepted it and sought to use it to God’s glory and his edification.
So I’m choosing to trust God with my present and my future because He has proven His faithfulness in my past. I am pocketing my poochy lip and instead filling my lips with His praise. I don’t know what purpose dialysis achieves for eternity, but I want to be a pliable vessel . I have chosen to focus on the positive possibilities. Being on hemo dialysis hasn’t been nearly as bad as I imagined it to be. 3 days a week I have multiple hours to sit and think and its given me time to pray and talk to God and catch up on other errands. I am being weaned off of some of my harsher medications and if I am off steroids long enough – I might be able to have a steroid free transplant! The last week of December I will begin training for Peritoneal Dialysis and then I will be able to lead a nearly normal life in the daytime!
So when it comes down to it – life is good – I still tire easily, but I’m having more days where I feel good – I am blessed~ Thanks so much to those of you who are praying for me – I know that there is amazing power in prayer and I am encouraged and humbled by the outpouring of love from so many!!
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
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