A blog is an excellent outlet. I love how it helps me to make sense of my
thoughts. My natural inclination is to
ignore or drown out emotion-charged ideas, but blogging is a cheap form of
therapy. It gives me such pleasure as my
overwhelming thoughts become words, that become ideas that finally come
together to make sense.
I’ve held off blogging because I was waiting for something
interesting to write about. While I love
my life and love to write, there are just some things not worth writing
about. I probably could have kept on
waiting, but I’ve had this thought that continues to resonate within me. Its not a new topic, in fact, its one I’m
sure I’ve mentioned before – Trust.
Whom do I put my trust in?
If you were to ask me this I wouldn’t have to think about it, my
resounding answer would be ‘Christ’. In
fact, a few weeks ago I nearly blogged about the amazing place I was at in my
walk with Christ – Isn’t it so fantastic how good it feels to be in step with Christ
– it feels so good to feel good?
A well-intentioned friend messaged me one night asking me
how I was doing – I told them how very content I was waiting on Christ and
doing my best to use this unique time in my life to serve Him – this friend
asked me if it was difficult to be patient – My response – ‘No’.
A lot of you know how very long its taken me to get to a
point of acceptance and even patience. There
was a time when I nearly swore off the idea of ever asking God for patience,
because it seemed He was in the habit of giving me far more opportunities to
use it than I cared for. But in that
instant messaging moment I was genuine in my contentment. Too bad it didn’t last….
Blogging has the distinct advantage of allowing people to
see only what you want them to, a window to your ‘edited’ soul. It would be far more flattering to leave out
my struggles, but its like lying about your weight on your driver’s license –
it may boost your ego, but really, who are you foolin’?
Two minutes. That’s
the amount of time it to for me to topple from my trust nirvana to wallow in
impatience. One innocent comment made by
my IM buddy had me rethinking my lofty proclamations. Its so utterly revealing how weak I am, when
something rocks my focus. Foundationally
I know that God is in control and that He is worthy of my trust, but it all
goes back to my desire for control. I
want what I want and I want it now!
There’s a song I loved as a child, sums my feelings up pretty well –
I can’t
wait to have patience,
because
patience is a wonderful thing
Hurry
up, let me have it, gotta get it know
I want
it more than anything
This has
taken long enough, give me some of that patience stuff
I can’t
wait to have patience – hurry up, hurry up, HUR_RY UP!
But God is gracious and thankfully He is patient with
me. He continues to place opportunities
in my life for me to flex my faith and to trust Him. Trusting God isn’t a part time gig -- He is constant, so it stands to reason
that my trust in Him should be constant
too. It’s a work in progress – I struggle
with anxiety and I had a major flare up last night. My exit site is having some problems and all
those emotions of last summer’s ordeal overwhelmed me. My focus shifted from Christ and I wrestled
with the possibilities of what could be.
It was only when I placed my focus back on Christ that He calmed my
fears. Trust isn’t ignoring your
problems, but rather looking to the one who can solve them. I am so thankful for promises like
Philippians 4:6-7 ‘Be anxious for
nothing, but in everything with prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your
requests be made known unto God and the peace that passes all understanding
will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.’ And Isaiah 41:10 ‘So do
not fear, for I am with you;
do not be
dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you
with my righteous right hand.’
If you’re struggling with fear – shift your focus – trust the
ONE who is greater than all your fears!
~V
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