Potty Breaks are for People with Kidneys

Wow! In the last week, I’ve spent nearly an hour trying to explain the function of kidneys or rather, the lack of kidneys.  It seems to be inconceivable that a person doesn’t have kidneys.  I was scheduled for a test that required drinking copious amounts of water to achieve a full bladder.

Okay, well, I see two problems with this:

1)       I have a strict fluid restriction because I don’t have kidneys, and

2)      I can’t pee, hence the fluid restriction

The first person I tried to explain this to became flustered when I asked for alternate instructions. I explained that I could drink ‘til the cows came home, but the only thing that would accomplish is me swelling up to resemble those cows.   After calling to confer with another professional she instructed me to drink within my fluid restriction and ‘Just do the best you can’ – Why hadn’t I thought of that?  All this time I was thinking my inability to urinate was directly linked to my lack of kidneys  -- when all along I just wasn’t doing my best!

The next person I talked to kept saying, ‘You poor thing’ and marveling that I was ‘Just 30’.  When I finally convinced her of my kidney-less state (no small task I assure you),  she wanted to know ‘what do you do?’  (I’m so glad  God gifted me with quick wit/retorts that often get hung up in Eastern Standard Time, otherwise I’d be apologizing far more frequently for my sarcastic remarks). 

I guess I’m a bit of an enigma, but after talking to so many people who couldn’t fathom what I was trying to tell them I started to doubt it myself.  I had to double check with my dialysis nurse that I had my facts straight – and wouldn’t you know it – this time – I knew what I was talking about J