Sunday, February 3, 2013

Knowledge is Power Except When It Isnt


My most current update sans the wine of my last post (I hope).

In the coming weeks I plan to get my fistula created.  A fistula is a far more permanent method of receiving dialysis – a vascular access created using my own vein & artery in my non-dominant arm.  I’ve resisted having a fistula for as long as I’ve needed to think about dialysis.  Since finding out that getting a fistula was my only option I’ve made an effort to face the music with a positive attitude and well-educated.  For the latter I decided to go straight to the source – whom better to give me the full 411 then actual patients – and it just so happens I have no short supply of such persons.  The first morning of my investigative inquiry I met an upbeat, perky gal.  I was quite optimistic as I introduced myself – I mean anyone who could be perky after a 4am chair time and hours of hemo dialysi must have great things to say about their fistula.  I launched in, asking my burning questions – ‘ does it hurt when the needles go in’  and ‘ is it painful throughout the therapy’.  I was certain she would set my mind to ease…. I was wrong.

My first clue should have been her hesitation – but well, I don’t pick up on body language like I once did.  ‘I don’t want to lie to you,’ she says.  Verbal clues I usually get…  I urged her to be completely honest.  Whoever coined the phrase ‘Honesty is the best policy’ never had to have a fistula created. 

I’ll give her points for relaying the info with a positive perky cadence – she assures me its painful – ‘ sometimes I even scream when they stick me’ – It is at this point that I am wishing for my ignorance of five minutes ago, which I decide really was bliss.

I was later reassured that this patient wasn’t the one to talk to – Uh, yeah, she makes a hard sell… already figured that out – I’m still not totally sure if she’s not the one to talk to because her experiences are not the usual patient experience, or if its just that her salesmanship needs work…  A well meaning nurse made further attempts to set my mind at ease – telling me that after a few weeks they would stop using sharp needles for access and start using dull needles.  In my experience, it’s the dull knife cut that hurts far worse than the sharp knife!    Suffice to say, my new-found knowledge might be power, but its appeal is lacking.  So in an effort to find the positive I made a Top Ten list – Perks of Having a Fistula.

10.  A fistula is far less likely of getting infected than an IJ catheter.

9. A fistula is the gold-standard of Hemo dialysis.

8. A fistula presents fewer potential complications than an IJ catheter.

 7. A fistula is a long-term option for dialysis.

6. According to my venous mapping, I have good vessels in my non-dominant arm.

5. Battle scars are hot, right?  And I’ve earned every one of mine!

4. Fistulas are created under anesthesia.

3. I have really good ‘nurses’ (aka parents)  to take care of me!

2. A fistula presents a massive target for future blood draws.

1. I can go swimming & take baths again!!!

I’m still not super excited, but it sure beats the alternative, and God has been good to bring me to a place of acceptance.  Please pray for my attitude to be pleasing to God and that I will be sensitive to His promptings and the lessons He would have me learn through this.  Please pray also that I would be brave, for I am am a little scared about the unknown (and newly known).  Thanks!

~V

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