Overwhelmed

I've been lax in posting lately.  The irony of my hiatus, being that since my most recent posting life events have continued forth in a direction that will potentially alter my life... forever.
Along with the news of a donor being found and the answered prayer of a transplant, comes a miriad of emotions.  I'm not sure it is possible to fully examie the complexity of my thoughts and emotions in response to God's awesome answer to so many faithful prayers, but one overriding emotion as of late....Overwhelmed.
First I was overwhelmed at the magnitude of the gift I'm being given.  I feel so very inqdequate & undeserving.  When I posted to FB my good news, a well-wisher commented on my deservedness.... If only they knew how very undeserving I am, no amount of "karma", good works, or kindness makes me -- because I don't measure up.  Just like no amount of good works, bills in the offering plate or church attendance makes me worthy or deserving of God's grace and salvation.  So, no, I definitely don't deserve this awesome gift of life through next week's  kidney transplant or my salvation, but I am so eternally grateful that neither one hinge on my "adding up" and instead are only by the grace, mercy and love of another. I am awed and humbled by the magnitude of these self-less acts and forever thankful!
Processing all the emotions I've been having has also been somewhat overwhelming for me, so in an effort to subdue those emotions I sought more constructive activities I could wager some control over -- and again I became overwhelmed.  But in the midst of all this turmoil I continued to try to have my own way.  You know what I found out? In my own strength I'm pretty puny!   At my breaking point, overwhelmed and exhausted -- I had to lay it all down.... my preconceived notions of importance.  i had become so busy hiding my emotions that I had tuned out the precious voice of my Savior, my priorities were way out of whack and it left me disapointed, disheveled and OVERWHELMED! 
I've shifted my priorities... and I'm OVERWHELMED! Overwhelmed by the massive peace God has flooded  my soul with -- like Philippians 4:6-7 says "...and the peace that surpasses ALL understanding..."  There is no other explanation for my peace than that it's God gifted.  How very faithful He is to supply all my needs and wrap me in this all-consuming, mind-blowing calm.  Thank you Lord and thank youdear friends for your continued love and prayers.  I will do my best to keep you posted following T-Day, but until then would you please keep the following in your prayers?

* Donor Family -- for peace, swift recovery and bountiful blessings in their lives
* My Family -- for peace (common theme,  huh?), patience with me & their own strength & health
* The Medical Staff -- that God would go before them and prepare them and guide them in making wise decisions!
* Myself -- as I try to shore up the details before surgery, for good health before (and after) transplant, for wisdom in  decision making and that the medications would not create havoc in  my mind and body

I know it's a long list, but I thank you from the depth of my heart (and soon to be new  "used" kidney) -- May God bless you for your gifts of love and kindness to me!!

 --- V  :)