This song, Hungry, seemed especially appropriate in my
current condition – By the time you read this I will have been without sugar,
carbs and caffeine for nearly 40 hours. The struggle is real folks. I have this dear, wise, friend who sometimes
shares his time tested wisdom with me. He once told me that a honey bun at the
start of each day gives a person sparkle, if this is true, .I fear today I will
be a little lackluster. I also have a dear roommate who is getting to know me
well – she hid all the baked goods – which was smart because I haven’t been
able to get her cinnamon rolls off my mind!
But seriously, the song is fitting for more reasons than my
personal lusterless (hyper-dramatic) crisis.
The results I glean from today’s PET scan will set the
course for my next treatment steps I take in this cancer journey. I’m nervous –
staging my cancer makes it all the more real. Today’s tests have no effect on
my health – but the results they produce shine a light on the degree of my
illness and that’s difficult to deny.
As far as tests go, today’s was relatively easy – any time
sweats are the dress code I’m your girl! My glowing personality got a boost
from a little bit of isotope radiance (cue Radioactive), but this evening I
feel like I’ve been to the cleaners – my body feels wrung out, and my brain
feels water-logged.
I’ve been spending most nights online into the wee hours
researching my illness, trying to find online message boards and support groups
to get a handle on what I can expect and thinking on the decisions I need to
make in the days to come – some decisions are easy. Ice cream or no ice cream –
Hello? Really, never say no to ice cream! But others weigh a bit heavier –
potential side effects, and long term effects of treatment…. It’s a long list –
it’s not making me anxious, but the cumulative effect of the last week and the
sum of my thoughts makes me weary.
Matthew
11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I
will give you rest…’
Maybe that’s why the Lord brought this song to my mind
today – I had some free time to think while I was in the scanner ;) These sweet
words are like balm to my soul – The Lord is my strength and the source of my
renewed energy – He is the source of my hope, because He is HOPE!
‘Hungry
I come to you for I know you satisfy. I am empty, but I know your love does not
run dry. I am empty, but I know your love does not run dry.
So I
wait for you, so I wait for you… I’m falling on my knees offering all of me.
Jesus youre all this heart is living for.
Broken
I run to you for your arms are open wide. I am weary but I know your touch
restores my life.’
So tonight as I fight heavy eyelids and a foggy noggin, I’m
grateful that though I have thoughts spinning in my gourd I also have a
reliable confidant to take those concerns to. Not to mention the blessing of
some wise counsel in the form of family and friends!
The picture is a screen shot my dad texted me today – it’s
from Psalm 119. I just love it when God uses others to encourage me in such
tangible and beautiful ways. I also found a cheery and gorgeous touch of spring
on my table from a sweet friend tonight. It’s not necessarily the ‘stuff’ about
it, but the blessing behind the sentiment lightens my heart and gives me
further reason to praise God for all the gifts He places in my life!
Odd huh? Too saccharine sweet? Sound a little too Pollyanna
for you? Don’t worry, I suspect if you wait long enough you’ll be privy to my public
rants and pity fests. I’m not perfect; nowhere close; but the reason for my
gladness is and He is good to show me the glitter in the midst of the grime.
(Glitter – ooh, honey buns!) ;) Speaking
of, some of you have inquired as to my dietary status. I relieved to report
that there was only one hangry episode, bordering on minor meltdown. Thank you
for your prayers for my Mom!J I’m
no longer banned from my beautiful carbs! I’m happy to report we were reunited
late this afternoon! Bless Mom – she knows me so well, I had a French baguette
half-way inhaled before she’d handed me the take-out bag. She showed good
judgement by offering a heartfelt, but condensed prayer to bless my food.
I’m thankful for the lifted carb ban and bread, but I’m so
glad for the Bread of Life – the God who sustains, satisfies and provides – in the
midst of seasons of calm and seasons of trial!
May your day contain luster (God's provision and the yummy carb kind).
With 'glowing' regard ;)
Ness
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