Thursday, March 30, 2017

You Have a Glow About You.... Isotope Radiance


This song, Hungry, seemed especially appropriate in my current condition – By the time you read this I will have been without sugar, carbs and caffeine for nearly 40 hours. The struggle is real folks.  I have this dear, wise, friend who sometimes shares his time tested wisdom with me. He once told me that a honey bun at the start of each day gives a person sparkle, if this is true, .I fear today I will be a little lackluster. I also have a dear roommate who is getting to know me well – she hid all the baked goods – which was smart because I haven’t been able to get her cinnamon rolls off my mind!

But seriously, the song is fitting for more reasons than my personal lusterless (hyper-dramatic) crisis.

The results I glean from today’s PET scan will set the course for my next treatment steps I take in this cancer journey. I’m nervous – staging my cancer makes it all the more real. Today’s tests have no effect on my health – but the results they produce shine a light on the degree of my illness and that’s difficult to deny.

As far as tests go, today’s was relatively easy – any time sweats are the dress code I’m your girl! My glowing personality got a boost from a little bit of isotope radiance (cue Radioactive), but this evening I feel like I’ve been to the cleaners – my body feels wrung out, and my brain feels water-logged.

I’ve been spending most nights online into the wee hours researching my illness, trying to find online message boards and support groups to get a handle on what I can expect and thinking on the decisions I need to make in the days to come – some decisions are easy. Ice cream or no ice cream – Hello? Really, never say no to ice cream! But others weigh a bit heavier – potential side effects, and long term effects of treatment…. It’s a long list – it’s not making me anxious, but the cumulative effect of the last week and the sum of my thoughts makes me weary.

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest…’

Maybe that’s why the Lord brought this song to my mind today – I had some free time to think while I was in the scanner ;) These sweet words are like balm to my soul – The Lord is my strength and the source of my renewed energy – He is the source of my hope, because He is HOPE!

‘Hungry I come to you for I know you satisfy. I am empty, but I know your love does not run dry. I am empty, but I know your love does not run dry.

So I wait for you, so I wait for you… I’m falling on my knees offering all of me. Jesus youre all this heart is living for.

Broken I run to you for your arms are open wide. I am weary but I know your touch restores my life.’



So tonight as I fight heavy eyelids and a foggy noggin, I’m grateful that though I have thoughts spinning in my gourd I also have a reliable confidant to take those concerns to. Not to mention the blessing of some wise counsel in the form of family and friends!

The picture is a screen shot my dad texted me today – it’s from Psalm 119. I just love it when God uses others to encourage me in such tangible and beautiful ways. I also found a cheery and gorgeous touch of spring on my table from a sweet friend tonight. It’s not necessarily the ‘stuff’ about it, but the blessing behind the sentiment lightens my heart and gives me further reason to praise God for all the gifts He places in my life!

Odd huh? Too saccharine sweet? Sound a little too Pollyanna for you? Don’t worry, I suspect if you wait long enough you’ll be privy to my public rants and pity fests. I’m not perfect; nowhere close; but the reason for my gladness is and He is good to show me the glitter in the midst of the grime. (Glitter – ooh, honey buns!) ;)  Speaking of, some of you have inquired as to my dietary status. I relieved to report that there was only one hangry episode, bordering on minor meltdown. Thank you for your prayers for my Mom!J I’m no longer banned from my beautiful carbs! I’m happy to report we were reunited late this afternoon! Bless Mom – she knows me so well, I had a French baguette half-way inhaled before she’d handed me the take-out bag. She showed good judgement by offering a heartfelt, but condensed prayer to bless my food.

I’m thankful for the lifted carb ban and bread, but I’m so glad for the Bread of Life – the God who sustains, satisfies and provides – in the midst of seasons of calm and seasons of trial!
May your day contain luster (God's provision and the yummy carb kind).
With 'glowing' regard ;)
Ness





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