Thursday, October 7, 2010

Happily Ever After?!

Once upon a time there was a vertically challenged, curly-haired, chipmunk-cheeked princess named Dernesser.  She was good and sweet, but so very shy – so her closest friends were chipmunks who found her burgeoning cheeks beautiful.  One fine day while shopping in the village marketplace she found a silly porcelain frog – but before she could haggle with the merchant she caught her finger on a nearby spinning wheel and broke a nail.  Then the merchant demanded that she guess his name correctly before she could buy the frog.  Having a real knack for such mind games she quickly outwitted the merchant and kissed the frog (which was dumb, b/c it was a porcelain frog).  But a prince wandering in an adjacent shop saw here and was enchanted by her chipmunk cheeks – for he had teeth like beaver – and so the two married and lived happily ever aaa…… Okay -  aside from this being a totally absurd tangent of my imagination… I really do have a point.  Fairy tales have key ingredients that make us all want to live them.  There’s the heroine, the trials and/or villain and the hero bringing the promise of happiness and security.
When I was pondering this, I found that my own life has some similarities (and I’m not referring to the princess’ appearance)! J
Rough things happen, while this is a gross understatement, I know you get the picture.  Hurdles happen, valleys with shadows linger and fall-outs frustrate.  It’s messy, and complicated, this life I’m living & I’d wager you’ve hit a pothole a time or two.  But it’s not the villains that keep me glued to the pages of fairy-tale… it’s the journey and the prince and the “happily ever after”. 
Its easy to lose sight of the journey, when ensnared in self-doubt, self-pity, self-ishness – But there is an amazing King who wants to pull us out of the pit and He offers us “Happily Ever After” free!
Amonst the brambles and life’s struggles – blessings are born.  I know sometimes chronic illness can be a real drag, both for me and the ones around me.  I once said that “it doesn’t define me” – well, being sick may not be the definition of who I am, but the lessons I’m learning are definitely shaping my chipmunk-cheeked self.
Whoo…. It took all that to get to what I really wanted to say? Boy, howdy…

ATTENTION… IF YOU ARE ON TIME CONTRAINTS OR WISH FOR THE CLIFF NOTES BEGIN READING HERE!  Some pretty amazing blessings have emerged through my illness in the last few weeks, months and even years.  They are the beauty from ashes…
My relationship with my parents has grown, I am blessed by their love, and patience, and the gift of themselves and their time!  Truly, my parents are my best friends.  That alone would be blessing beyond my deserving, but God has further blessed me with the friends I’m surrounded by.  Did you know that every person in the office I work that was eligible—offered to be an organ donor?  Not only did God see fit to gift me with a job that I love – where I’m  allowed to exercise my many interests – but He brought me to a group of women who love me.  Yeah, we have our differences, but at the end of the day they’re the ones who put up with me and who cried the hardest when they learned that they were no longer a donor candidate.  Yeah – blessed doesn’t see adequate a word...
Perhaps the biggest blessing is one very special relationship – no, not some Prince ‘Beaverteeth’ (Lord-willing, someday – tho he need not resemble the aforementioned critter) – My walk with the Lord is strengthening, He has used this time to draw me to His self! 


Psalm 103:1-3
“Praise the LORD, O my soul;
       all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, O my soul,
       and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins
       and heals all your diseases…”

Monday, October 4, 2010

Under Construction

I put my waterproof mascara through the paces tonight.  It’s been coming for days, maybe even weeks, but tonight, the floodgates spilled over.  The disappointments of this past week have made me acutely aware of my own character flaws.  Just as a small thread come-undone can lead to an entire garment’s unraveling; small, seemingly insignificant events have lead to my unraveling.  If I didn’t know better I would bet that someone has slipped me some high-powered steroids – such has been my weepy demeanor.  Who is this bundle of raw nerves and frayed emotions?  Usually, I am pretty even-keeled and cheery – so cheery in fact, that on occasion I’ve been told to ‘dial down the happy’.
As my fatigue increase, so does my vulnerability.  I’m finding it more and more difficult to bounce back from the emotional blows.  This last week I found out that 2 potential donors have been ruled out. … Unraveling… I feel let down, not by the potential donors – I only feel love and gratitude for them,…. I thought I’d placed all my trust in Christ, but as I assess the impact tis news has had on me, I realize that I’d placed a measure of my trust in the process. 
As I survey the damages, a group of verses keeps coming to mind.

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.  Romans 5:2-5
God can’t fix me, until I surrender to Him in my brokenness.  Don’t get me wrong – I am still going to have days when I need my waterproof mascara – I hate being so brittle.  But I am so incredibly excited by what I know God is doing in my life.  He is so faithful to use the mess that is me and use these experiences to His glory!  Some of the most beautiful things are products of intense stress (i.e. coal = diamonds,  pure gold is revealed through intense heat).  A very wise woman shared another illustration – Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were relieved of their bondage when they went into the firey furnace. 1Peter 1:6-7 gives me the hope that my struggles have purpose and I am striving to emerge on the other side of all my struggles -- a worker approved, a good and faithful servant.
1 Peter 1:6-7  In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
I’m so glad that God’s not finished with me yet – But while I’m ‘under construction’ I would ask you to please pray for my attitude - that it would be reflective of the God I serve and for my patience as I continue to wait on the Lord – as I wait for a kidney.