I’d nearly forgotten how much I love putting my thoughts down on paper. I had a nephrology visit today, and my thoughts were a jumble. Writing helps me to lay out the facts and organize my thoughts and then if that weren’t enough… it allows me to reflect on how I feel about said facts.
There was nothing terribly earth-shattering about today’s appointment. No screaming or crying – and I behaved too. I did however face a fear………and turn tail & run….
There are so many conflicting pieces of advice circulating…. ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’, ‘what you don’t know won’t hurt you’, ‘your imaginings are worse than reality’…. I prefer to subscribe to the very noble line of thinking – curiosity killed the cat, er, me.’ Today, in the office I had the opportunity to ask my doctor point blank, what my chances of getting a kidney in my lifetime (which is really the best time to get one). Oh, yes, I have a good idea about the complex nature of this topic. My antibodies score higher than I did on my ACT, making me a more difficult match. Doctors have even hinted that I should expect a lengthy dialysis stint. But never, have I asked point blank for the cold-hard facts.
I guess my attitude could be viewed two ways. 1. Faithless – fear driving me to adopt a naïveté or 2. Faithful – recognizing that God doesn’t subscribe to statistics & that my antibodies don’t daunt Him
I’d like to say that the second one describes me fully – I can’t, at least not yet. I am trusting God to work in this situation, but sometimes I struggle less with trust when I don’t have the math to cloud my judgement.]But I have
The Lord has been convicting me to be purposeful. I heard a tremendous speaker recently that spoke on the topic of missions – one thing he said really stuck with me. God gives us blessings so that we might bless others. Rather than simply ‘managing’ all we have (home, car, possessions, etc..) we’re to use those things to serve & bless others. So, in an effort to be a blessing to others I am looking for opportunies to reach out. It’s refreshing to have purpose again ( I never really lost it, just lost sight of it). You can be praying for me that I would be courageous in serving God, whole-heartedly, so that I might be a blessing to others as so many have been to me. May God bless you this week with many unexpected joys!
~V
