December marks one year since I started dialysis and nearly two years since I embarked on my journey through post-transplant kidney failure. The trek has been filled with insurmountable obstacles, overwhelming disappointments, unexpected blessings and a very large measure of God’s grace.
High highs have given way to low lows and vice versa. This year my faith has taken some major hits – some so crushing I’ve questioned if I was strong enough to weather the storms. At one of my lowest points I questioned the wisdom in my prayers – that God would use me, no matter what, for His glory. Its that “no matter what” part that’s tricky. You see, if you pray it and mean it, be prepared to put your money where your mouth is (not exactly a biblical term, but you get the picture.)
Usually at Thanksgiving and Christmas I am filled with bubbling enthusiasm and Christmas cheer (I once was told to “dial down the happy”). But this season I have struggled to find that same caliber of merriment. Each time I logged on to Facebook I was bombarded with wall-posts exclaiming over their thanks and many blessings. My computer’s megapixels oozed positivity as everyone appeared to be appropriately thankful. At first it warmed my heart, but then my inner cynic wondered where all that thanks was the rest of the year. No where among the posts were thanks for flat tires, bad hair days or bed-wetting poodles. What about those things in our lives we don’t see as blessings? Can our frustrations, inconveniences and sorrows spur thanks?
Try as I might, I couldn’t shake a thought. In all things give thanks. It was like a drum cadence… in all things, give thanks. Found in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 – it says “give thanks in all circumstances”. I can only surmise that God has laid this on my heart (I’m not that insightful).
I puzzled over this idea. Even in theory this concept seems foreign – how can I be thankful for kidney failure and all that goes with it? Here’s the conclusion I’ve come to:
I don’t have to necessarily be thankful for the high antibodies, coding, or lost transplant, but I can still be thankful:
· I found out about the high antibodies before I rejected someone’s healthy kidney.
· For the skill of medical professionals who’s quick reactions saved my life
· A new friend who was willing to give me one of her kidneys
Some days’ circumstances are far from ideal, but just like rainy days make us thankful for sunshine, God can use trials to clarify what really matters. So this year I am thanking God for:
· His grace which has brought me through each peak & valley
· Good days (and that He brings me through the bad ones)
· Faithful friends & the kindness of strangers
· Providing for all my needs through the love of family & friends
· Dialysis therapy & medical staff
· Jesus Christ & His free gift of salvation
· For using someone like me, flaws & all
As the new year fast approaches I am eager to see what God has in store for me. Though I may falter, I am confident that God holds me in the palm of His hand and am thanking Him for what He is doing in my life!
Would I have chosen my journey’s obstacles? Probably not, but I have chosen to serve my God no matter what. And I thank God for using even me!
2 Corinthians 12:8-10
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
--V
