My internal clock is set on international time, my snooze
button is broken and my operating manual is MIA.
Insomnia is a common side effect of Kidney failure, for some
reason increased toxins play havoc with the body’s ability to get large
quantities of rest. Other side effects
of dialysis can interfere with sleep (i.e. dry/itchy skin, restless legs, leg
cramps, and the list goes on). While
insomnia isn’t fatal, it can be hazardous to your health (and wallet).
I’ve spent the last ten months trying to sleep – some days
with better results than others. I’ve
funded the pharmaceutical communities’ family vacations trying to find a quick
fix. Muscle relaxants for leg spasms
resulted in a scary altered awareness and drama which required someone to watch
me til the effects had worn off – UGH!
Benadryl, Tylenol PM, and Melatonin for sleep, just wound me up, just
wound me up, just wound me up… I tried
the prescription sleep aids, which altered my mental clarity – no snide
comments here please – but sleep continued to elude me. I’ve tried breathing
exercises, warm milk, hot shower, counting backwards, counting sheep, naming
sheep – the sheep fell asleep, but I did not.
Today, I was especially tired after sleeping only three or
so hours in the last two days. I know
the exhaustion is making me last rational, but I was almost positive that
everything was against me getting sleep.
I’d be drifiting off when the computer mysteriously came on blairing
music, a little later udo (unidentified dropping object) made a commotion
falling off my bed… the list goes on.
But aside from the mind-numbing weariness – ever played
JENGA, if you’re one brick shy, the whole things goes kaput. My psyche feels nearly this fragile – I have
this rational/irrational fear that one day I’ll transpose a ID number, passcode
or secret recipe and the fragile construct of my sleep-depreived brain will
come crashing down. You laugh, but it
could happen – I don’t think there’s a recovery program for that.
My inhibitions are highly inhibited. I can’t prove it, but I think I may be a
closet sleeper and a sleep-shopper – you say there’s no such thing, then how
can you explain my shrinking bank account and the burgeoning stack of Golden
Books? I also have developed a bad taste
in my mouth – I don’t care what people say; Sweaty feet is not a delicacy!
Being fatigued is like inviting the 7 dwarfs to inhabit your personality - Lack of sleep makes me Grumpy and Dopey. Ocasionally extreme fatigue makes me slap-Happy, the luggage under my eyes makes me Bashful to go out in public & then I become Sneezy and need a Doc. Is Forgetful the seventh dwarf?
It’s not all bad, in fact I’m sure there are positive things
about insomnia, but I was too tired to think of any.
In all honesty, I would appreciate your prayers for my sleep
– Thank you for lifting me up to the Heavenly Father who restores the worn
& weary!
**** No sheep or other barnyard animals were harmed in the
attempts to catch a few zzz’s. But that noisy little one better watch his wooly
behind!****
~ Vanessa --- sweet dreams :)
