Wet Cat Way of Thinking

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

                                                         Blessings -- Laura Story

 I love the lyrics of the above song, 'Blessings' by Laura Story.  She talks about the beauty of God's blessings through experiences that feel less than blessed.  A phrase of the song mentions blessings through rain drops.  I've appreciated this song for some weeks, in fact, I've begun to feel like it's the lead song in my life's musical :)  I felt I could appreciate nearly all the song's lyrics with my own life experiences.  But I felt a small sense of dis-loyalty in the phrases dealing with 'doubting' God's goodness.  During the song I would silently denounce that phrase of "faithlessness".  I would never doubt God's goodness.....  Well lately those 'rain drop blessings' have been drowning me.  Instead of feeling grateful for the lessons God must be allowing me to learn, I've felt doubt  -- in the purpose in such disapointment, in God's timing, and in my ability to come through this situation in a manner pleasing to my Jesus.  But most of all I felt like a wet cat -- bewildered, dishevled, offended & cranky!

I've been pretty hesitant to blog since surgery was cancelled, because I have been struggling.  I've joked lately that I've decided I have all the patience I need -- I won't be praying for more, cause I'm not so crazy about the opportunities God is supplying me with to use it.... In all honesty there has been some truth to that -- My fervent prayer throughout this journey has been for God's will, my patience & my life to be a testimony (good one mind you) of Christ & His goodness!  With some of the news I've received in the last month, I began doubting if I would have asked for those things knowing how they would come about.  Fortunately for me, it doesn't stop there -- God is faithful and Praise Him -- He didn't let me sulk too long.  If "blessings" if my life's theme song (you mean not everyone has a theme song? *gasp)  then I am striving to make 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 my mantra -- ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

When I stopped throwing my tantrum, stopped licking my wounds and became totally honest with myself and God I found that my 'wet cat' way of thinking came down to two things. I want to have control and I want to be in control.  Pretty lame, huh?  Yeah, the post-ponement of surgery was a bummer -- It took a lot of planning and physical, emotional & mental  preparedness, but when it all comes down to the nitty-gritty -- I really struggle to hand the reins over to the Father.  Today, I'm at a better peace than I was a week ago, and next week I pray I will be even more at peace with God's timing. Because I know, His timing is perfect and He is faithful to continue the good work He has started within me.  Praise God for the prayers of dear saints on my behalf and encouragement of my dearest friends.  Once again, I am humbled by God's blessings in my life and the faithfulness He shows to me, even when I'm so weak!  May God be praised for the person He is molding me into (only by His grace & mercy)!

--V

Timing is everything

Hi all!  For those of you keeping track, you might surprised to see a post from me so soon, when the big day was scheduled for today.... I say 'was' because due to circumstances beyond my control, surgery has been postponed. I am disapointed and frustrated and feel overwhelmed by the concept of undoing all of my preparations for surgery. But after a long cry and a few rogue tears every now and again I have come to the place of acceptance and I am trusting God's timing is never wrong (even if I doubt to what good purpose an un-needed 'prep' serves :) ) God is faithful and I am grateful that He knows all and desires the best for me, even when it comes through painful detours beyond my understanding or control -- and I greatly appreciate your prayers for my health, the surgery and now, for my attitude and testimony through this hiccup -- and thanks to all of you who have sent messages of love and encouragement!  To God be the glory for the GOOD things He has done and is doing!
--V

Overwhelmed

I've been lax in posting lately.  The irony of my hiatus, being that since my most recent posting life events have continued forth in a direction that will potentially alter my life... forever.
Along with the news of a donor being found and the answered prayer of a transplant, comes a miriad of emotions.  I'm not sure it is possible to fully examie the complexity of my thoughts and emotions in response to God's awesome answer to so many faithful prayers, but one overriding emotion as of late....Overwhelmed.
First I was overwhelmed at the magnitude of the gift I'm being given.  I feel so very inqdequate & undeserving.  When I posted to FB my good news, a well-wisher commented on my deservedness.... If only they knew how very undeserving I am, no amount of "karma", good works, or kindness makes me -- because I don't measure up.  Just like no amount of good works, bills in the offering plate or church attendance makes me worthy or deserving of God's grace and salvation.  So, no, I definitely don't deserve this awesome gift of life through next week's  kidney transplant or my salvation, but I am so eternally grateful that neither one hinge on my "adding up" and instead are only by the grace, mercy and love of another. I am awed and humbled by the magnitude of these self-less acts and forever thankful!
Processing all the emotions I've been having has also been somewhat overwhelming for me, so in an effort to subdue those emotions I sought more constructive activities I could wager some control over -- and again I became overwhelmed.  But in the midst of all this turmoil I continued to try to have my own way.  You know what I found out? In my own strength I'm pretty puny!   At my breaking point, overwhelmed and exhausted -- I had to lay it all down.... my preconceived notions of importance.  i had become so busy hiding my emotions that I had tuned out the precious voice of my Savior, my priorities were way out of whack and it left me disapointed, disheveled and OVERWHELMED! 
I've shifted my priorities... and I'm OVERWHELMED! Overwhelmed by the massive peace God has flooded  my soul with -- like Philippians 4:6-7 says "...and the peace that surpasses ALL understanding..."  There is no other explanation for my peace than that it's God gifted.  How very faithful He is to supply all my needs and wrap me in this all-consuming, mind-blowing calm.  Thank you Lord and thank youdear friends for your continued love and prayers.  I will do my best to keep you posted following T-Day, but until then would you please keep the following in your prayers?

* Donor Family -- for peace, swift recovery and bountiful blessings in their lives
* My Family -- for peace (common theme,  huh?), patience with me & their own strength & health
* The Medical Staff -- that God would go before them and prepare them and guide them in making wise decisions!
* Myself -- as I try to shore up the details before surgery, for good health before (and after) transplant, for wisdom in  decision making and that the medications would not create havoc in  my mind and body

I know it's a long list, but I thank you from the depth of my heart (and soon to be new  "used" kidney) -- May God bless you for your gifts of love and kindness to me!!

 --- V  :)

Big News Part 2

Since I shared my exciting news I've had lots of questions about how things have come to pass and what is going to take place.

I'm excited to share with you how God has had His hand on this entire process, never wavering in His faithfulness to me.  Even though I've questioned his timing, in fact agonized over it at times, He was never early & Never late.

I guess its fair to tell you that this story doesn't just contain me (what I'm not the star?) -- but rather it is made up of 5 other key people.   I've heard the story in part from each person -- so here it is as best I understand it.....
It all started with Bambi, a tree stand, and two best friends....  Well, to be fair, it wasn't really Bambi, but they were best buds, hunting, when they came across my Dad (who was not tree standing nor hugging) & the topic of my health & kidney search came up.   Apparently this topic resonated with the friend & he went home to his wife & spoke with her.  This was in Dec./Jan.
Meanwhile, back in October these same friends' wives have been talking, and once again I become the topic of conversation -- my health and need for a kidney.   Long story short the couple, who have an extrememly strong love for God, began talking, the wife became interested in the process of donation and began the the testing process -- the husband shared that he truly felt a peace about the whole situation when he heard a minister talking about what the world has to say about religion -- the world says that every religion has a form of the Golden Rule, but truly the difference is -- Confucious says "don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you" (paraphrased) & Jesus said "Do to others what you would have them do to you".  He said that is when he felt the prompting of 'do". 

Okay, so, I should tell you that up until this point I am really quite clueless (all blonde jokes & snide remarks, kindly disreguard)... HIPPA (patient privacy) is strictly adhered to and that includes would-be donors.  By February my nephrologist was telling me there was someone being tested, but while I was hopeful, after 10 or 11 potential candidates had failed I didn't allow myself to get overly excited. Okay, back to the story...
So, about 2 weeks ago I received a call from my cousin who told me there was a person who had been tested and was a match, but wanted to meet me.  At this point, my excitement was tempered, I mean, how well do you interview? What do you wear to dinner with a would-be donor?  Should I dress up, dress down?  Would I win them over with my sparkling personality alone or should I try a bolder aproach and let my shirts do the talking. 
Here were my top picks.  *I Use Recycled Products  *God Loves a Cheerful Giver   * Just Do It 
I'm always a little akward in new situations -- this was a new situation, but my cousin and his wife were fantastic, making conversation and the would-be donor and spouse are phenomenal -- I was humbled by their generous offer and Lord willing, if all goes as planned I am sure I will spend many years to come with gratitude towards them and my Lord and Savior for being faithful.  I'm gonna wrap this up, but in an effort to just reinforce the timliness of my God....  I received the call about the transplant nearly 3 months to the day from when I stopped my steroids -- which is the requirement for having a steroid free transplant -- God is just plain AWE-SOME!!!
Would you please keep a few things in your prayers ---
The Donor Family -- pray that they might all have a peace about the process, that all might go well for her and that health would retun quickly and for BLESSINGS on them
My fam -- for peace during this transition and while they have to put up with me :)
For a healthy, working transplant, no rejection, no steroids, God's will and my patience
Thanks to all of you for your continued prayers and support and love, I appreciate it more than you will ever know, I'll keep you posted as best I can :)
--V

Big News

Sing to the LORD a new song;
   sing to the LORD, all the earth.
Sing to the LORD, praise his name;
   proclaim his salvation day after day.
Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad;
   let the sea resound, and all that is in it.
Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them;
   let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.
(excerpts from Psalm 96)

I'm adding my voice to the chorus of grateful praise -- giving God thanks that He is never early or late, but right on time.  Praise God -- a LIVING DONOR has volunteered to donate a kidney!!!!   Lord willing, by this time next month I will have a "new" used  kidney.   I can't wait to tell you the miraculous way in which God has worked, both in my life and in the life of the donors.  I'll be posting that in my next blog so stay tuned & thanks to all of my friends, family & blog readers who continue to keep me in your prayers -- I appreciate it more than I can express & appreciate you!
love --
V

Beyond Statistics

'I'd rather have it because it lasts longer, statistically speaking'
             
                   For those of you who know me personally, you've probably heard me utter these words in regards to a living donor - transplant.  It's true -- statistically speaking, the odds are far more favorable for living organ transplants as oposed to deceased donor.  I have the numbers memorized.  You might say, I'm a stats junkie. Here are the most recent stats to whirl round my head:

• Five '5 years' - it's the approximate life span of a dialysis patient
• Ten '10 years' - the average life of a deceased donor kidney
• Twenty '20 years' - the average life of a living donor kidney

Its so super easy to get sucked up in the number crunching game that all this can become, but it was in the midst of a quiet moment this last week, when God stripped away every other distraction & pelted me with the calming assurance that He is so much bigger than any statistics.  He was here before the math and He's be here long after.  It's nice to know I can place my assurance in Him...
--V

Lost & Found

I crossed the taped off perimeter today.

You see, though I’ve never boasted of ‘Stepford’-esque  organization skills; the day the dialysis boxes moved in all semblance of order went out the door. Now my bedroom has become my storage room, my storage room is my dialysis room, the living room is my bed room and office.  So, like I said, it was definitely time to dive into the disarray and make sense of my disorder.

The contents of one bag especially captured my interest. I found a long forgotten wireless mouse. I’d purchased it at the same time as my laptop, but never needed it.  Several months ago I had dropped it in the bag so I could give it to a friend who was thinking of purchasing one.  I was excited when I found it today – oh, it was little dirty, but none the worse for wear.  I ran my fingers over the smooth palm rest and the gel finger grips.  I right clicked – I left clicked.   I turned it over…….but wait, no.. where *ugh* is…  To my dismay and irritation I realize that the wireless USB plug-in is missing.  My mouse is no longer ‘nearly new’, now it is just junk..  Obsolete, worthless, dirty, junk.  Instinctively I reach to toss the mouse in the trash – after all, without that piece it won’t function the way it is meant to…

I can’t tell you how many times I have done that…. Lost an earring, throw the other one away, lost a sock, throw the other one away, lost my marbles…. Oh, wait… maybe not

Here’s where I’m going with all of this… I got to thinking… I was once like the mouse without the USB port.  Without Jesus, I was a soul, lost and wandering, without hope and unable to function in the way in which I was truly created to be. 

Jesus uses parables (stories) in the New Testament to illustrate how much He loves us and how much we need Him.

Parable of the lost coin – Luke 15:8-10  “Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins^[a] and loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? ⁹ And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ ¹⁰ In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Parable of the lost sheep – Luke 15: 4-7 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? ⁵ And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders ⁶ and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ ⁷ I tell you that in the same  Funway there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

But maybe you’re like the prodigal son (Luke 15:12-32), fun-loving, free-spirited, rebellious, dirty, hungry, lost?  He chased after every passion, sated every hunger of the flesh – but when the money ran out he found out he was just like the mouse without a USB drive – dirty & useless. who found his sheep – the dirtyson went back to his father and asked for his forgiveness…. The lost—was found…  the useless – useful.   And the dirty--- cleansed and redeemed!!!!

Pretty sad story, huh?  Well, yeah, it would be…. But it doesn’t have to end there!  Just like the widow who found her coin and the shepherd

My mouse’s USB drive is intact – how ‘bout yours?