Every once in a while I have a startlingly clear revelation –
For instance – I knew from an early age that gray, really is not my color, farm
cats don’t have 9 nine lives and I really should’ve had a V8. More clarity came in college when I learned
that paying money for a haircut is far better than ‘paying’ for the repercussions
of a bad self-cut (p.s. – curly hair shrinks when dry).
I stumbled upon my most recent revelation completely by
accident (which I suppose is a redundant statement, who purposefully stumbles…). I was at my hairdresser’s place having my
hair cut (lesson learned) – when she started talking about a guy she wanted to
introduce me to. Professionally, she
thought he could help me with some insurance issues, personally, she thought a
match might be in our future. I voiced
interest in talking with him professionally and was open to other possibilities. Excitedly she told me how she really was
going to ‘talk me up’ to him and proceeded to dial his number – As soon as he
answered she introduced me – ‘Hey! I
have a single 30-year old gal here…. *drum roll* who has a
LOT of health problems.’ I don’t
see much a future for her in advertising, or me for hearing from him J
What I learned from this experience is that I have had an
identity crisis – Dialysis has become such a big part of my life that it became
one of my largest self-identifying features.
Even when I’m not in the chair I have the physical reminders with me
always. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all
I think about – often I’m caught totally off guard when someone asks me what’s
wrong with my arm. But honestly, I do
struggle with knowing what kind of disclaimer I should come with (Kidneys Not
Included?) especially when it comes to meeting new people.
I am so much more than my illness – I’m creative, positive,
and playful --- But most of all – I’m a child of the King and the person I am
today has been shaped by the joys and struggles He continues to bring me
through. This revelation is a work in
progress, but the Lord has truly convicted me of my insecurities and He is
gently reminding me that my identity is in Him – and in Him, I am a new
creation, chosen, loved and created for a purpose far beyond my insecurities.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The
old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy
nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies
of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who
live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live
by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the
renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God,
what is good and acceptable and perfect.
But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he
gave the right to become children of God,
Check out this song by Matthew West --Hello My Name Is (lyrics by Matthew West)
Check out this song by Matthew West --
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