Tonight, I did peritoneal dialysis on the home cycler all by my ‘big girl’ self! And all my big girl self wants to do is cry like a big baby!
Set-up went pretty smoothly, but hook-up was rocky and not even five minutes into treatment I had to call my educator for reassurance that my actions were not threatening…. False alarm. *Breathe* My stomach was in knots, but sleep finally came. Alarm 1, Alarm 2 – ‘stop’ ‘silence’ and return to sleeeeep, uh not quite – Alarm, Alarm, Alarm -- *sigh* Now I remember where my alarm clock phobia originated from. Why won’t I drain? I check my clamps, look for kinks, all while fumbling for the silence button, when all of a sudden like a flash I know what the problem is…. Like those corny flashback tv segments I hear my educator, “Don’t forget to take the cap off the drain or it will back up”. I jump out of my bed and amble to the bathroom my tubing trailing behind. Yep, I forgot to unclamp the drain tubing, but I did it one better – I forgot to put it in the toilet to drain. I know I should clean it up, but right now I’m so tired I want to cry. So I slap some towels down to mop up the dialysate, uncap the port and tape it to the toilet to complete this elegant drainage system. So things are looking gloomy right now, I’m tired and discouraged – so I’m going to go back to bed, because I’m hoping things will be brighter and alarm free in the morning.
So that was last night – I woke late in the morning to a voicemail from my educator, checking to see if I’d survived the night… Survive? Yeah, if points aren’t deducted for style or subject’s deameanor, then yeah, I survived. In fact, once I successfully disconnected things began to look…..wet…. and sticky. Ugh - “it could be worse” *sigh* “it could be worse”…. My mantra while cleaning up the drainage mess left from the night before. Oh, yeah I know, it could have been much worse, but you try thinking that when your vanity’s become prime realestate for a swamp and it becomes glaringly clear that the floor has a northern slant! -- *Deep Breath* Okay, I’m done whining… in fact, give me a couple days, some needed sleep and I’m sure I’ll be able to laugh J
As I write this I am feeling more confident about my decision to take on the responsibility of Home PD. But it is a responsibility – I clocked the time it took me to set up my machine, change my dressing and hook up --- 2 hours! It makes me think that there were some definite perks having the responsibility shifted to someone else during in-center Hemo treatments.
Life is kind of like that, anything worth doing takes work.. I heard it put into this illustration – Jesus talks about creating a firm foundation so that when struggles come our way we can anchor into our firm foundation and survive. The pastor talking about this said to “grab a shovel and start digging” for any areas in our lives we want to truly succeed in. I want to rest in the knowledge of God’s love and peace. So I’m gonna have to grab a shovel and dig deep into God’s word. It’s my challenge for the new year – I hope to emerge refined and more mature – I know it will be work, but with God’s help, I’m up to the challenge.
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